Larry David Wrote A Fantastic Op-Ed In The NYTimes Explaining Why Trump's Chief Of Staff Hated His Breakfast

NY Times- There have been a number of highly publicized walk-backs by the White House of late, the most notable being “wouldn’t” replacing “would.” The week before, however, there was one during the NATO Conference in Brussels that went somewhat under the radar. While President Trump was berating Germany, Gen. John F. Kelly, his chief of staff, was clearly seen grimacing at the table. Within hours, Sarah Huckabee Sanders issued a statement saying the reason Kelly grimaced was not because of anything Trump said; rather, Kelly was displeased “because he was expecting a full breakfast and there were only pastries and cheese.”

I’ve only included the first paragraph, but just read the goddamn piece. It’s fantastic. Granted, I’m biased and think that everything Larry David writes is perfection. But you honestly don’t even have to put your politics aside to enjoy this piece. It’s breakfast satire that uses a tiny political event to drive its story. And I can’t help but hear the entire thing in Larry David’s voice. At times, as one would expect, I hear it in George’s voice. Especially here:

“No, they don’t care. Get the eggs.”

“And make sure not to put the eggs on the pancakes — I want them on the side. The pancakes are not a substitute for toast.”

“How do you take them?”

“Over-easy. And if the yolk is broken, don’t bother. I’m not eating anything with a broken yolk. I swear, if I find any broken yolk, there’s gonna be hell to pay.”

“No worries, sir.”

“And maybe a toasted English muffin. But it has to be toasted. English muffins are awful when they’re not toasted enough.”

“Sir, those muffins will be toasted. You can bank on it.”

This should be the type of political satire we can all get behind. But who knows. Maybe this made you angry. In which case, I hope you eat runny eggs, contract salmonella, and asphyxiate on your own vomit as you sleep.